December 2014 - break it open and write in it

This is literally a giant (or small) cavern that i am glibly pouring words into. I'm sitting here at Elliot's house in Soulard, basically the dog-sitter, smoking weed and playing xbox all day every day. I work 3 days a week at a rib/taco restaurant. There are low standards at the restaurant, and the bosses are very easygoing. I don't "fit in" as much as i "fit" what they need right now. My roommates that work at SNR(Spare No Rib) with me, Steve and Elles, are about as fed up with me as they can be right now. I've broken Elles' trust and gotten weed out of his supply that did not belong to me. And right after doing this stupid thing (while blackout drunk), i ruined Steve's present for Elles right in front of him. So, i overstepped my bounds with one roommate/coworker, and betrayed the other. It feels like shit. I don't know if Steve will forgive me any time soon.

I sat down with everyone for a house-wide talk about general house things.
There are things i do that should only be allowed by those that live here and pay rent.
I do not pay rent, therefore should not have done these things.
I will begin paying rent on Jan. 1 and will ask Elliot for the correct amount.

It's therapeutic to see my words all spelled out and in order. I feel like after thinking or saying something, my thoughts are lost in the boiling atmosphere of where i am. Or who i'm speaking to. I don't have conversations anymore. Text convos are lost and aimless. I can't write fast enough on my phone and/or i get distracted from my phone before finishing any thought... there's nothing coming from me. I smoke and walk the dogs. That's it.

Now i'm just scrolling through facebook and instagram and reddit. i'm just looking at stuff. i'm sitting here looking at stuff instead of writing!
what did i see?
-if you set up a xmas tree, you took a picture of it and made a banal statement about how it's such a chore to upload the photo at this point in the Tree Setup
-the world is rioting against authority in every corner of the world. there are reasons people feel oppressed and it's because of the authority our police and government is given over our democratic voice
-boobs
-if i upload another selfie of myself, i'm going to give myself a black eye

and so that is what i've done in the past 5 minutes while having my laptop open.
there are still tabs open to elephant journal, wsj, and penny-arcade, but now i'm writing instead.

I am closing this, and am no longer writing alone