would you take an hour of poop in the face for eight dollars?

The two of you enter a chinese restaurant. You explain to him that you have spent a year in a country where all of their restaurants are like this. You tell him that the food will be different, the utensils will be different, the waitress will look different. The waitress arrives, and afterward, of course, he makes an obligatory "I'm not gay" remark. He makes 3-4 more such remarks. You let him ask questions about the food, he's hungry, naturally. You make a few jokes he doesn't get about the different and exotic tastes of octopus and dogmeat, then your food arrives.

The most enjoyable dish imaginable. Dumplings. Machisoyo. You flourish your chopsticks a bit to engage his eyes and then begin a basic demonstration. After a bite of your own, you warn him that the dumplings are of high quality, but too hot for consumption. His struggling hands and sticks have not developed a single bite for his insultingly-teased mouth, so he instinctively grabs a dumpling with his hand and shoves the steamy doughy satchel into his gob only to immediately release it in a breathy "fuck!" It lands on the table. He is mad at a dumpling for burning his mouth that you told him was too hot to eat.

The rest of the meal is devoured and then belittled for being not-enough-food. Sharing flavors, sharing experience with this individual is ... pointless.